Happy women's day! Isn't it brilliant that this day is on a Wednesday, I get to dedicate an entire article to nothing but the simple brilliance of women! Well, I am not writing about the brilliance of women, but the patriarchal society that we live in.
I know, I know, I have probably lost your interest when I mentioned about the topic I am addressing. But, wait, let me at least begin.
Firstly, let's start with the super sweet thirteen, because this is the starting point of all the trouble. You realize how much unwanted attention you get. This, happened with me when I was in sixth, yes, sixth! I was out grocery shopping with my mom and my best friend/ soul sister, and this really creepy man with one eyeball the color white started talking to me, well not just like a normal talk- talk, but, more like whispering in my ear when he crossed us. What is commendable is that my friend was not able to even understand, except the part where he was staring at us. I was really uncomfortable and I told my mother (obviously) and she helped me out of the situation. After that I honestly did not want to go grocery shopping, and I did not even for at least a few months or so.
The years that have followed, I have learned how to take care of myself, and now just exactly how to break a nose with my knuckles.
Now, lets fast forward to the time when a girl gets married. I know, now you are probably thinking 'how would I know anything about all that?' I am no married and don't see myself getting married in the near future either, but I have pretty reliable sources; namely, 'Crime patrol: Dastak' , 'Saavdhaan India'. If that is not convincing then there is also NDTV and newspapers like TOI. And, if you are still not convinced then there is the amazing daily soaps. Now, I don't follow any particulars because
a) Anandi exists from when I was seven! (Ballika Vadhu reference) and
b) they ask for too much commitment, I mean particular days and particular hours.. I am barely on time for school most days!
I however, do know about these because, well, not a secret, I know about these the same way every Indian teenager knows about the stories of these serials, through their grandparents watching them every single hour of the day. And, even though my reasoning may seem wrong, but what we must understand is that these shows are made in the way that they are so that they are easy to relate by the targeted audience; old people. And, what else is relatable than the daily life they live but just with good looking people, beautiful saris and background music?
So, as to start about the madhouse that marriage is, I have learnt that the first change that takes place is the cliche dialogue of the mother-in-law to the newly arrived bride that sounds like "From today onwards you are like my daughter, don't be shy, okay?" which actually means " From today onwards I have officially hired you as my personal room service and house keeping facility, you are just like my daughter as she is also living this life in her inlaws' house."
After this, you start to notice how the girl is forbidden to wear clothes of her choice but has to wears saris (regardless that they are beautiful). She cannot even breathe if her mother-in-law does not want her to.
Then there, is the taking permission for every decision that it is her right to make. examples are listed below.
I know, I know, I have probably lost your interest when I mentioned about the topic I am addressing. But, wait, let me at least begin.
Firstly, let's start with the super sweet thirteen, because this is the starting point of all the trouble. You realize how much unwanted attention you get. This, happened with me when I was in sixth, yes, sixth! I was out grocery shopping with my mom and my best friend/ soul sister, and this really creepy man with one eyeball the color white started talking to me, well not just like a normal talk- talk, but, more like whispering in my ear when he crossed us. What is commendable is that my friend was not able to even understand, except the part where he was staring at us. I was really uncomfortable and I told my mother (obviously) and she helped me out of the situation. After that I honestly did not want to go grocery shopping, and I did not even for at least a few months or so.
The years that have followed, I have learned how to take care of myself, and now just exactly how to break a nose with my knuckles.
Now, lets fast forward to the time when a girl gets married. I know, now you are probably thinking 'how would I know anything about all that?' I am no married and don't see myself getting married in the near future either, but I have pretty reliable sources; namely, 'Crime patrol: Dastak' , 'Saavdhaan India'. If that is not convincing then there is also NDTV and newspapers like TOI. And, if you are still not convinced then there is the amazing daily soaps. Now, I don't follow any particulars because
a) Anandi exists from when I was seven! (Ballika Vadhu reference) and
b) they ask for too much commitment, I mean particular days and particular hours.. I am barely on time for school most days!
I however, do know about these because, well, not a secret, I know about these the same way every Indian teenager knows about the stories of these serials, through their grandparents watching them every single hour of the day. And, even though my reasoning may seem wrong, but what we must understand is that these shows are made in the way that they are so that they are easy to relate by the targeted audience; old people. And, what else is relatable than the daily life they live but just with good looking people, beautiful saris and background music?
So, as to start about the madhouse that marriage is, I have learnt that the first change that takes place is the cliche dialogue of the mother-in-law to the newly arrived bride that sounds like "From today onwards you are like my daughter, don't be shy, okay?" which actually means " From today onwards I have officially hired you as my personal room service and house keeping facility, you are just like my daughter as she is also living this life in her inlaws' house."
After this, you start to notice how the girl is forbidden to wear clothes of her choice but has to wears saris (regardless that they are beautiful). She cannot even breathe if her mother-in-law does not want her to.
Then there, is the taking permission for every decision that it is her right to make. examples are listed below.
- her:"Can I start working?"
- MIL(mother-in-law): No.
- her: "Can I cook Thai food? it's been a while..
- MIL: No. I don't like Thai, you can however make an elaborate meal with butter naans and lot of Tzatziki and to compliment this, Worcestershire.
I hope my point was made clear. Then when the girl, finally gets some sense drilled in her and starts to rebel. The MIL changes from the queen bee to the evil queen bee. She does everything in her power to crush the girl's dreams and ambitions. In fact, to the point where she gives the girl incentive to kill herself.
And you know what is ironic? The husband, is blind to all of it. The man the girl was promised a happy ever after with is either blind or stupid.
Then enters the Father-in-law, with his one ambition in life; to collect more dowry and blames the girl for all the problems, probably including ozone depletion because her family did not pay enough dowry.
Girls, women and even ladies live the life that the men want us to.
I mean, till what point will we live the life where taking selfies makes us a narc and wearing the clothes we like makes us attention seekers. Where it is dangerous to stay out late. Where we are not allowed to make the money and be the breadwinners but we surely are allowed to make bread for the family. Where we address our husbands as "ji" and they give us a permanent label of " arey, sunna" Yes, this is a patriarchal society, but it is not only the male population that made it so cruel but also the MIL who expect a 'bahu' in place of a daughter.
The day we realize that all together we can smash the patriarchy will be the day I will call this country truly united in diversity, not only in the matter of cultures but also in the matter of genders.
Very thoughtful and mind stirring article. Absolutely loved it.
ReplyDeleteThanks a ton hun!
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